I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
