there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
