So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
