u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
