I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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