listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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