smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
