I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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