is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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