Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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