She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
