Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
