my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
