you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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