she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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