Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
