Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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