Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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