R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
