do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
