Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
