The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
