Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
