i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
