hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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