What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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