I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
