Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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