Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
