I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
