Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
