After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
