I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
