Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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