You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
