Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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