If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
