why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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