Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize