I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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