tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
