just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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