exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
