That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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