I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
