i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
