he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
