Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
