Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
