What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
