Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
