I wish I only lived at night.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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