Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
