i think my mom watched the whole time
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
