just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
