dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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