I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
