Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
