Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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