There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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