i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize