I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
