peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so let's talk penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize