I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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