Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
