Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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