dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
