Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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