It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
