it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize