My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
