Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
