Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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