if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
