im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
BRING THE BAGELS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
