i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
His hands were made for my vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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