How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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