my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize