i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
