Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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