I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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