I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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