Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
