Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
