I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
