just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
