you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
