The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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