Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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