how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
40s are totally the cure
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
