Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
