please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize