Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
