bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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