I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
