So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
