I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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