two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
