Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize