That's when you crack a 10am beer
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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