I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
