gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
